Lured into an MLM front, we make the best of a protein powder wild berry waffle

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… So then there was the time I got lured into a multi-level marketing business thinking it was a legit new smoothie shop. Look to the Wiki page on Herbalife Nutrition to find accusations of a pyramid scheme.

Springs Nutrition, easiest found by navigating to the Copa Cabana Event Hall (since Springs Nutrition lacks its own sign), operates as a hybrid fitness center and Herbalife distribution point (read: place to buy protein-laced teas and coffees and meal-replacement-type snacks). A friendly employee tells me it’s essentially a “community nutrition club” run by an independent Herbalife distributor, and that the products help with everything from metabolism boosting to post-weight-loss skin retraction and vitamin absorption.

Fuck it — I’m here, let’s see what they’ve got: A cinnamon tea with apple-flavored fiber and mango-flavored aloe tastes like autumn and reminds me of a psyllium husk shake I once drank on a three-week cleanse. (Shit … does that make me at home here!? … more importantly, will there be a fiber-induced ’splosion later?) An equally chalky Mexican Latte packs 23 grams of soy-based protein while drinking coffee-like but not coffee-true with a coffee powder base and caramel-esque dulce de leche flavor enhancement. It cloys despite being low-sugar, but it’s drinkable, just not if you’re craving a real latte.

Most unusual: scoops of wild berry-flavored protein powder (24 more grams — get sum!) turned into a wild berry waffle with the help of some egg whites, and topped with walnut crumbles and a so-what-if-you-just-worked-out whipped cream dollop. Though texturally resembling an amalgamation of chicharrón and the skin of an old man who’s overstayed his time in a sauna, it manages to taste like children’s breakfast cereal.

Springs Nutrition

2412 S. Academy Blvd.

Academy (South)

Colorado Springs, CO